Selfish Surrender'in..

2nd September 2009: Birthday yippie!! Vividly remember the moment in the Indian Airlines' flight to Bangalore. Carrying a baby tigger in arms and lots of hopes in my heart, a new venture was what i was looking forward to. A foray not into merely work, but a foray into better living!! an Independent one - one in which i I could grow up from being Daddy's cute lil Miss Spoilt Brat.. I knew it was the moment - carefully chosen - to let go of the apprehensions of standing up for oneself alone!! Always surrounded & well gaurded by family & friends - I had to move on..

3rd September 2009: Knocking on the door was the dawn of a new beginning. Threshold of a new office, a heard of new faces. Clasping nervously my fists behing my back, somehow i did manage to pull up a decent enough introduction for myself infront of an unknown audience. Confident as i stood, a strange reverence for the audience in my heart prevailed. Several questions seeking answers for themselves flocked the mind. Who were these people? How were these people? Would i ever be able to find friends or even good souls in these people? Questions were many, answers were none.

The clock ticked & over a month had passed now. Yet not many interactions. Reservation to oneself is what I can currently think of to best describe the situation. Chatterbox by nature - now reduced to a very quiet team member - Gosh!! possible?? Often would I ponder over it at my seat. Time appeared to crawl as it brought with itself, the even sadder" elements of life - WORK!! Gruesome Work.. Hateful as it may sound, it is indeed the one truth which no one could ever escape.

The Dreadful Tuesdays & the even more helplesss Revenue Figures from the client. But as they say "Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining".. And in my case, Surrender (N. Surendher to be accurate) was the Silver Line!! Always so-serious, Damn hardworking, An Excel Guru!!, sincere, modest & ever helping - that was Surendher to me.

Workship - Acquaintanceship - Friendship - Closeship - Bestship..

Definitions of the Ship kept changing but Surrender always stayed the same. We fought, we laughed, we partied, we yelled!! Amidst all this, lil did i realise the integrity which the so-called ship had woven around itself. Close to ten months now, never thanked enough for the beautiful life in Blore, wonderful people around - etc etc - all cause of him. Just one post would not do justice i guess.

30th June 2010: But as we had our last official Team-Lunch together, something within certainly did feel heavy. Words found it difficult to give vent to themselves as i read those last email lines. Tried too hard to hold onto all the good memories he was leaving behind, but the sight of a mere 20rs note simply unmasked it all. The dinners - the talks - the walks - the drives - the sily committments - the new home!! - the parties - the coke drunkeness - the Pole dance - the half boils.. Nothing i could just hold onto anymore. Left without saying the final Official Goodbye!! Not cause i did not remember but cause i only did not want to.. Human Nature after all.. "Selfish Surrender"in.. :)